At the risk of sounding like a wanna be Hippie, or granola eating sandal wearing Earth crunchy type (not that there is anything wrong with hippies, young hippie posers, or associated stereotypes. I just don't think I am close to being any of those.), I am coming to the opinion that having to change your diet for your health is hardest when it is just that, changing only one thing for an external reason.
It's similar to advice I hear given to young people - don't change for someone else. A girl is only liking the person you pretend to be, not who you are so knock it off. Be yourself. In a similar way trying to change only one aspect of your life is putting on a facade and lying to the rest of yourself. That is what makes the bitterness, the resentment, the reluctance to continue with healthy eating. Part of you wants to be who you were despite the pains while some other part is convincing yourself that you are better.
Just yesterday I went in to get a decaf iced coffee. (yes, at the same place that has no conception of a gluten free world) And I really wanted their doughnuts (here I steadfastly refuse to spell it the wrong way as in their marketing schemes). I grew up on them. I love them. But I cannot eat them. I am now just over a relapse where I was in quite a bit of discomfort and pain due to eating something inadvertently with gluten in it - mints. (who knew? but I should have) (for the love of parentheses and as an aside I was all but addicted to Altoids, would eat them one after the other. These were a knock off brand as I have been out of Altoids for a long time.) Still I wanted doughnuts even as I stood in line, in abdominal pain, waiting to get an ice coffee.
It finally hit me. That is not who I am. Not anymore. Being attached to an old life, wanting it back, and wanting all the tasty treats that went along with it (and could very well have made me sick) was making me bitter and depressed. It was wrong. It was wrong as that is not who I am. As part of changing what I eat to feel better I am really changing my life to be more who I really am. That is what is making me feel better.
Off and on in life I would meditate. It is rewarding and it helps to get perspective on things, not really be attached so much. Getting back to that point of view, changing my diet is only a small part of not physically suffering any more. I'll go back to meditation not only for the many demonstrable benefits but also since it will help lessen the attachment to all the foods and wants that worked to destroy my life. A healthy lifestyle is just that, a life. It is not a fad, a phase, or just one thing you have to grudgingly do. That is why diets so often fail. It is not something to do. It is a new someone to be.
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